I recommend not to make lemonade, unless of course you were planning on adding gin to the equation.
Whether you believe in fate or not, it’s inevitable that somewhere along the road there will be lemons launched at you in your life. These lemons may take the shape of being bullied throughout your school life, or your very good friend abandoning you when you need them the most. Either way I think making lemonade is a pretty poor response.
Life, and the people who are in it is a journey that I believe just can’t be predicted or controlled; you can only do your best, you can choose who to surround yourself with and hope that the relatively short period of time you have on this bloody wonderful planet is beautiful, fulfilling and inspiring.
I used to pretend that things didn’t bother me, like I had the skin of a rhino, but truth be told, when relationships never worked out or friendships started to crumble, and names like ‘fat’ or ‘posh’ were thrown my way, it all hurt. It hurt in an inward way, I would see problems within myself, what did I do wrong? Why do I speak this way? Why doesn’t that girl like me anymore? I, I, I – a vicious circle that all ends with a sort of depressing state of loathing and blaming yourself. Sure, I would regularly tell people I don’t care… ‘am I bothered’? Trust me when I say the people who say that, they hurt the most.
I mentioned before one of the reasons I left hairdressing was because I could never find a way to avoid absorbing all my client’s issues, worries and problems. I would go home with their burdens weighing heavily on me, questioning myself – what could I do? How can I help them? Making their hair pretty for all of a day didn’t quite suffice for me, and there is that word again – ME, or I! What I never took time to think about was what if it is enough for them, my clients. What if the hour they spent talking to me was enough to help them, and maybe this seems so obvious to you guys reading this but it never occurred to me. Every situation that could be described as negative in my life I have taken it upon myself to either fix it or blame myself.
So my answer for those lemons, homing in like missiles, launch the buggers back! I don’t think it’s healthy to just make some lemonade with them, I want to know why they were thrown in the first place. Turn that negative yucky stressful feeling outward. This person that may have suddenly decided to cut you out of there life, stop asking yourself what you have done and start to understand what may be going on in that other person’s life. That person who bullied you throughout your school life, what could they have been going through behind closed doors at that time? When a relationship breaks down, instead of crucifying yourself over what you didn’t do, maybe start to realise what they didn’t do! Don’t get me wrong, sometimes you really do need to look within yourself, but before you start to beat yourself up take a step back and try to see things from a different perspective. You can never and will never understand how that other person feels or what they have been through – don’t make it all about you. Mediation gives me the time and the release to take that step back before I explode. I guess what I’m trying to say is, in the words of the Dalai Lama ‘We’ve been all the way to the moon and back but struggle to walk across the road to meet our neighbour’.
With technology progressing at the speed that it is I feel like it’s becoming too easy to make every situation about you and to totally misinterpret it, for example immediately assuming someone doesn’t like you because they don’t text you back, or the text they do send seems ‘off’ – it’s been typed! How can you possibly know the mood of the person? Call them or better yet go and see them. When a friend doesn’t show up to your birthday bash, instead of taking the hump and deciding they’re unworthy of your friendship, find out how they are and what’s going on in their life.
If you are content within your own life, make the decision that when something doesn’t go quite right, take a step back and almost remove yourself from the equation – be selfless. I used to think I could change the world and help ‘fix’ everyone in it, and I still would if I could, but for now teaching you lovely lot how to be content internally and carrying you around like a rucksack is quite sufficient for me.
Lots of love your sturdy mule