I’m back (ish)

I just rediscovered some writing I did back in 2016/17 and proceeded to sob, “whoop” and profusely nod my head in agreement, is that unbearably arrogant?
Finding my own writing so relatable and inspiring? I say to myself now, 6 years on, a home owner and mum, absolutely not, be your own cheerleader because you’re unlikely to get it from anywhere else.

So what am I doing back here? Truth be told, I’m not entirely sure. I feel a little lost in these years that have passed – the pandemic, having a baby, essentially starting my business from scratch, and losing the last of my beloved grandparents. So much has changed in such little time.

Maybe I should start with the biggest shift, motherhood, only I don’t think I have enough time, quite literally ever in my entire life to try and explain motherhood, and my daughter is only 2! The whole new feeling of love, a love that I only imagine exists for your children. Rage, pure rage that comes when you have to repeat yourself multiple times a day to get a simple task done, such as putting shoes on. The awareness that you would quite literally do anything for them, anything, without question, “o you need to eat my arm in order to survive” *mum passes child knife and fork*. It’s completely wild, physically, mentally and emotionally.

Covid was this surreal time which I feel like now, looking back, being pregnant when it essentially all kicked off was like some sort of weird film. Not only was it the fact that everything shut down, people struggled financially (and continue to), we couldn’t socialise, the planet was happier, the roads were quieter and i didn’t have to force a
smile to avoid some one (man) shouting “cheer up love” or “smile love might never happen” because i was always in a face mask … wait I’ve lost my train of thought, or have I. I was hoping the pandemic may have taught us a thing or two about the world we live in, and how to respect it and everyone in it but, alas.

2020 was a truly exhausting time, I lost my Grandad in the April, my father in laws health deteriorated rapidly due to dementia , I gave birth in September, then finally lost my Nana in the December. I, like many others attended her “covid restricted” funeral on Christmas Eve. I remember having to fasten my leather pants with a safety pin because of my post baby tum, (we wore them in her honour, she was the Queen of leather pants). I pumped frantically the night before and morning of, to ensure Skye had enough milk while I was gone.

Poor me, cry me a river – lets move on.

Yoga. Well that came into it’s own during all of this really, showed its true colours and kept me going. I like to think a lot of people found their mat during these time, moving for 10 minutes or simply sitting still for 5, the question remains did you all keep it up post pandemic? My brain is completely fried since becoming a mum so these blogs I suspect will become short, hopefully sweet, some errors and most obviously a little random, but the point will of course be to hopefully bring a smile to your face, have you worry less, feel seen and personally for me, provide free therapy.

Life, the big ? I listened to P!nk being interviewed today and she said “I have one rule with my kids, well all people actually, just don’t be a dick”. Could it be that simple? 

The more I try to learn about life; emotions, racism, levels of consciousness, misogyny, homophobia, yoga, sexism, religion, the list goes on, the more I come back to what P!nk said.